


Lemme Hold Your Hand Through Your Shame

by Rinusagitora



Category: Bleach
Genre: Amputee, F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 14:12:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7318417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinusagitora/pseuds/Rinusagitora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Thousand Year Blood War arc, spoilers for ch 654; When she’s hot with embarrassment, he’s waiting for her on the other side of the door. She intends return the favor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lemme Hold Your Hand Through Your Shame

**Author's Note:**

> Credits to @izuru-ru on tumblr for inspiring this!

She purposefully, _calmly,_  strode down the halls of the Shin’ou Academy girls’ dormitory. She’d covered her face with her sleeve and let down her hair to hide her puffy, tear-stained face, her embarrassment only amplified by her state.

Once she’d found her dorm, she shut herself inside and collapsed to the floor behind the door. The light that filtered through the shutters on the other side of the room as the only illumination, and curled up against the wooden bottom, she cried into the crook of her elbow, hot in her shame.

It was a stupid thing to be upset about-- they’d just been calling out their test scores so their instructor whom had broke his leg wouldn’t have to collect them, and she’d so happen to get the lowest score. To her credit, it was an eighty-two out of hundred so she still technically passed and her spontaneous homesickness had her more emotional than normal, but she still felt like an _idiot_  compared to the rest of her classmates.

And she knew it was petty to hole up in her room, but she was a petty kid.

There was a knock then, from the other side of her door-- a soft rap against the frame. And she held her breath. If she pretended not to be there, maybe they would think they just heard things and leave.

“ _Hinamori, it’s me._ ” She heard-- it was Kira-kun. Oh Lord, of course a witness to her _humiliation_  was there, and of course it had to be the _cute one._  Lord, he was probably half the reason she was so embarrassed.

“ _Hinamori, I know you’re in there._ ” Kira-kun continued. “ _I don’t know what you’re upset about, but I promise whatever it is isn’t as bad as you may think it._ ”

She was still quiet. It was nice of him to tell her, and rationally she knew he was right, but cute boys didn’t like stupid girls.

“ _Nobody thinks badly of you, alright? It wasn’t even all that scandalous! If it’s your score that made you cry, then you should know that we’ve all had that bad test, and your bad is still better than some of our classmates’._ ” Kira continued, and she still remained silent, stifled by her clothes. She wanted him to stay, and she wanted him to go, so she instead opted for silence.

“ _... alright, I get it. I’ll just stay here until you decide to come out and I’m not leaving until you do._ ”

She felt him sit against the door, and she felt a little bad then over her mini-tantrum-- if it could be called that-- and then even _more_  embarrassed. Of course she’d waste Kira-kun’s time with her foolery.

“ _Hinamori, I swear I don’t think poorly of you. I’d never think poorly of you._ ” Kira whispered. “ _You’re my friend…_ ”

“... I’m sorry…” She mumbled abashedly, and almost she hoped Kira couldn’t hear her.

“ _For what?_ ” He chuckled, and she internally cussed. “ _You’ve got nothing to apologize for, Hinamori._ ”

She turned onto her knees then. She slid her door open enough for her to meet Kira-kun’s concerned gaze. “Would you think poorly of me if I ask you to just… talk to me?” She whispered-- figured it couldn’t hurt.

He smiled at her then and nodded, and she slid it open just enough for him to slip inside.

* * *

She purposefully strode through the third division’s barracks, and they could feel it too-- his squad members, that was. It must’ve been the way her brow furrowed, or how her arms were crossed over her chest. Though maybe it was her gaze, she’d always been told about the fire in her eyes.

She found his quarters fairly easily. Faint as his reiatsu was then, the third division’s layout was of the similar to the fifth’s. She was grateful for that.

She knocked on his door then. No answer, but she felt him there, behind the door. He sat right against it even. Just like her.

“Kira-kun,” she said then. “It’s me. I know you’re in there.”

No response. Though, she hadn’t entirely anticipated him to talk right off the bat. “I know you’re terrified a-and probably _repulsed_  by your current state, but I’m not. You’re dear to me, I’d never be repulsed by you, no matter what’s happened to you.”

Still, no answer.

“Kira-kun, I can’t say… I can’t that I understand what’s happened to you because that would be lying and you know how I feel about that, but I love you. You’re dear to me, _so dear._  And I will love you for forever, no matter what you did, or how you look, or what Kurotsuchi-taichou did to you.”

Still, no answer, and she sighed tearfully. Useless as ever, she thought, but Izuru had still been her friend-- even if her platonic feelings for him were long gone, replaced by a yearnful romantic feeling--and she intended to help him to the best of her abilities.

She chortled, humorless and perhaps nostalgic. “Do you remember, Izuru? When we were in the academy? All those times I was so embarrassed that I locked myself in my dorm and you’d wait for me outside until I felt like coming out? I still remember that first time too. It’s been one of the most meaningful moments in my life. You were my first real friend in the Gotei, you know, somebody I know who cared about me there. And you’ve been my love ever since. I remember every word of that first time, too-- every single word, _exactly._  I’ll even recite it for you!”

“Hinamori it’s---” her voice broke, and she _breathed_  to collect herself as she wiped her face. “Hinamori, it’s me. Hinamori, I know you’re in there. I don’t know what you’re upset about, but I promise whatever it is isn’t as bad as you may think. Nobody…” she paused again to wipe her face, unamazed by her emotional response. She always cried. “Nobody thinks badly of you, alright? It wasn’t even all that scandalous! We’ve all had that bad test, and your bad is _still_  better than some of our classmates… Alright, I get it. I’ll just stay here until you decide to come out and I’m not leaving until you do. Hinamori, I swear I don’t think you a fool. I’d never think you a fool. You’re my friend… and then I apologized, like I do all the time now, and then you said-- For what? You’ve got nothing to apologize for, Hinamori. And then I invited you inside and we spent the rest of the day together just _talking_  until Abarai-kun found us.”

And still, no answer.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk, I do. But I’m going to wait out here until you decide to come out. I refuse to leave you again, Izuru. I left you once, and I won’t do it again.”

She sat against his door then, and she felt him on the other side through the flimsy panel, heard him sob too. She wept with him, and she would weep with him as long as he needed. She’d laugh with him too. She’d fix him his meals and embrace him for hours and hours and kiss away his every worry. She’d do _anything_  for him.

“I love you so much, Izuru.” She croaked. “But I’ll shut up now---”

“ _Momo…_ ” He whispered, and she felt the door shift against her. Oh, how relieved she was to hear his voice. “ _Why?_ ”

She smiled to herself then. “Why I’m doing this? I told you, I love you.”

“ _But why?_ ”

She smiled to herself again, still so tearful. “I love that despite everything we’ve been through, you still speak to me. Despite all the hurt we’ve been through, you don’t hate me. Despite… how much I hate myself… _you don’t._ ” She sobbed into her hand then. “It means so much to me that people… that _you_  can still find something good in me. Perhaps it’s a selfish reason, but that’s why.”

And the door shifted again. Slowly it moved under her, and she slowly turned with it. She saw Izuru’s blue, blue eye in the dark crack-- how dim, how depressed, how heartbroken…

“I’m sorry.” He breathed. She reached in and cupped his cheek, and he nuzzled her palm as he sobbed without tears. Kurotsuchi-taichou took that away from him, she bet, and after he’d had so much taken from him already… it made her so angry with Kurotsuchi-taichou, it made her so sad for Izuru.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” She promised him. “Please let me in.”

And he pulled her inside.


End file.
